VALENTINE’S AND THE MOVIES OF OUR DREAMS

Take a hypothetical girl named Osaz for instance, she didn’t enter puberty until 21; guys weren’t even sure she was a girl until they saw her at reunion parties. Can you just picture what it was like for her in secondary school, how she heard gists about the locker invasions and how the juniors were used as storks to deliver the bounty?

Let me explain what it was like; she was always the first to make jokes about not getting anything, she was the sass-mouthing-sarcastic one whom everyone thought her jokes were adorable even though she wasn’t joking really and the one day-dreaming about her crush who sent gifts to her bunkmate… hypothetically of course.

Even though the 14th of February has constantly broken our hearts, we can be sure that La La Land always has us covered, we can know that even for 2hours, we are one with the larger than life actress on the screen who is going through the same thing we are right now.

So ladies, welcome to my private Valentine’s day Knights in shining amour, freely I was given and freely I share with you.

The Notebook:

There is nothing more beautiful than a Nicholas Sparks’ story to start off your Valentine’s. Get yourself a pack of soft hypo-allogeneic tissues, fill a huge bowl with chocolates and all those things you would be ashamed to eat outside then join the fellowship of sisters all around the world bawling to Nicholas’ words and Ryan Gosling’s face.

 

I hate Valentine’s Day:

Yea right! Just like The Grinch hates Christmas because he didn’t have any family, the only reason to not like Valentine’s is that you have been alone too long and it has activated the hater in you. That’s exactly what Nia Narvalos showed us in this movie, I love it!

My Fair Lady:

I grew up watching this movie.Living in a semi-slum in Ibadan, I was certain this was going to be my story, me rescued from the slum by a serial bachelor who changes my diction and outlook on life before he finally falls head over heels in love with me. But being the child of basically over-educated people, they didn’t allow my ‘razz’ light shine.

Lady and the Tramp:

I am not saying that I don’t want a rich guy but have you noticed that the broke ones put the most work into getting the girl? Again, I am not asking for a broke man, I am asking for a man willing to put in work to make sure he breaks down all of my defenses and pride and of course is not intimidated my awesomeness.

Beauty and the Beast:

I know that it seemed Belle was just some over-reaching chic that developed Stockholm’s syndrome. I know, trust me I know. But don’t you know how amazing it is to know that you are the one who tames his beast? Then the live action remake of the cartoon is coming out soon again!!! Whew!!!

Sydney White:This movie gave me hope- it made me realize that the coolest guy in school is just a guy too, looking for someone down to earth to understand him. I will like to use this medium to say to all you coolest guys out there; I am waiting to understand you. Trust me, I will understand you.

The Vow:

Nothing could be more life-affirmingly romantic than the sight of Channing Tatum groveling at my feet for my love. I swear I live for that body begging me. I mean I won’t close up the window so all I can smell is his fart but Lord, wouldn’t I make an excellent Mrs. Tatum!

 

Now that we have succeeded in creating our perfect guy against the next Valentine’s Day, the most important thing in my opinion is that he should have Ryan Gosling’s face and Channing Tatum’s body.

Right Ladies?

 

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Osaz

My mom always hails me SASSSCO! when I start embellishing stories.